Honor: respect that is given to someone that is admired; good reputation; good character or quality as judged by other people; a good name or public esteem; a showing of usually merited respect
In the Bible, the apostle Paul had a lot to say about honoring others, particularly our brothers and sisters in Christ. Consider Romans 12:10, 13:7, 1 Corinthians 12:23, Philippians 2:29, 1 Timothy 5:17. To give honor to someone is to raise them up in front of others and say, “This person is worthy of respect.”
Think of all the things your husband battles through his workday. Perhaps he has an overbearing boss who is constantly trying to take advantage of him. Or maybe he has a coworker who turns every task into a competition, making him feel inadequate on an hourly basis. What if he is trying to solve a persistent problem at work and just seems to keep failing? If your husband works with people, like mine does, he inevitably encounters no-win situations (you know, where you literally cannot please everyone at the same time, so someone is disappointed in you and isn't afraid to let you know it?). Now think of the things he battles at home (be careful, this may hit where it hurts…). Maybe it’s a son or daughter who acts out every evening at the dinner table. Or the persnickety washing machine that he has to try to fix…for the thirtieth time. Perhaps his mother has been calling once a week to remind him that he isn’t involved enough with his extended family. And when he learns that his wife shared with her mother about his lack of follow-through on that Pinterest project she’s been waiting on…
Our husbands are under a lot of pressure just from normal, daily life. One of a man’s biggest fears is failure, and our husbands are trying to make sure that others see them as successful and competent. The person who he most desires to see him as successful and competent, however, is you. One way you can show your respect for your husband is to tell him face-to-face that you think he’s competent and is doing a great job in his various roles. But what’s even more powerful is when you tell others that he is competent and is doing a great job in all his roles. In one of my psychology classes in college we learned about a study of children who were affirmed by their parents to their face, then “behind their backs” (but intentionally still within earshot of the child) to another person. Almost all the children responded with greater confidence when they overheard their parents affirming them to another person. And think about it – wouldn’t you feel more sure that someone really meant what they were saying about you if you knew they said it to another person? Human nature is odd.
Your challenge today is two-fold: (1) do not say anything negative or critical about your husband to anyone else; and (2) find a way to publicly honor your husband. That doesn’t mean each of us should go on facebook and tag our husbands in a status that says “@Johnny is the best husband ever!” Sorry if that was your first thought (it was mine, too, don’t worry!), but let’s be more specific and intentional about it. Is there someone you’ve been complaining to about your husband (your mom, sister, best friend, kids)? Make a point to call/text/email/communicate to them something wonderful about your husband today—and I encourage you to make a point to stop telling them the not-so-wonderful things about him. Or if you find yourself in a conversation with someone who knows your husband, say something about his character or accomplishments.
For some wives, this may be a particularly difficult challenge. What if your husband doesn’t display admirable character? What if you feel he isn’t worthy of public esteem and respect? What if he’s not even saved (or you wonder if he is)? All I can say is: give him something to live up to. No, don’t lie and say he is or has done something he hasn’t, but strive to find some admirable things about him to share with others and share them like crazy. Eventually it will get around to him that you think he’s admirable and he just may find that he wants to become even more admirable to you. In the meantime (and this goes for all of us), pray for him. Today’s prayer is for his growth in righteousness. Pray that God would keep working in his heart and his life to make him more like Jesus, to deepen his understanding of the Gospel and God’s grace, and to make him love and desire righteousness. Here’s a great verse to pray over your husband:
“With this in mind, we constantly pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may bring to fruition your every desire for goodness and your every deed prompted by faith. We pray this so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.” (1 Thessalonians 1:11-12)
Start a new habit of honoring your husband before others. When tempted to say something critical or share that tidbit of disappointment you have in your husband with someone, combat the temptation by sharing something respectable, something you admire about him. Even if it never gets back to him, creating this habit will certainly change your heart.
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