thanksgiving.joy.counting gifts.opening hands in the tough.surrender
....one of those days....when you think, literally think, "who would want me?"
It started off just fine. I woke with the children, tired, but awake. We do our morning routine and then I jump in the shower. Benjamen makes me laugh crazy running in while I'm showering shouting "nana" ...I peak out to realize that means "naked". He loves being naked and although it drives me crazy...he has the cutest little butt. He is so happy naked and cries when he has to get dressed. He's so cold...but doesn't care...he's happy. Yes. He makes me laugh crazy...because he's funny but he drives me crazy!
I had already gotten every cookbook out in the house and planned weeks worth of meals, had my list ready and felt accomplished already. We head to the first store. The kids are a little restless and running away but manageable...or is it because my patience level hasn't really been tested? hmmmmm.
We make it out of there and then we go to the Amish store. Now I am convinced that my kids know the Amish moms are observing my every move and so they decide to act out the most at this store...no joke...every time. We buy our goods and a bag of fresh baked cookies and book it out.
We start our drive towards the next store, knowing it's going to be a while, I pop in a movie. Make it out of there barely...Ben cried the entire time. Our last stop and I tell the kids, "this is quick...we don't need much here so if we behave and listen we can get out of here fast..." ... Matthew cries through the whole store. I am dripping sweat and there...right then is when Satan knows me best....I am weak. I am tired and I start to question....everything.
It's like I forget all truth and start believing lies. Why? I have no idea. Probably because it's easier. Isn't it? It's easier to believe a bunch of lies than it is to remember truth and recite it during those hard times. It's easier to think, "ugh! I'm a horrible mom" , "Is this really it? This is my life? Sitting in Meijer with kids screaming and me containing them while I plan out weeks worth of meals?", "Why do people even like me? because I bake, take their pictures, what really do I have to offer anyone? am I just used?" ... yeah it's way easier.
That was it...one thing after another happened and I lost it a little more after each thing. The kids tear the house to shreds while I'm separating, making room and taking care of the groceries. Dinner doesn't get on the table until 7:30 and by then an entire cup of apple juice is spilled and a container of gatorade. After dinner...bath time. Ben poops on the bathroom floor, a glass canning jar falls and breaks, Ben pees in two different rooms, Matthew pees all over the bathroom floor, toilet seat and anything else it seems. All of this while Brian was gone..at a meeting. With each event Satan crept in a little more. Tears were streaming as I questioned my ability to be a mother, as I questioned my desire to be a mother.
"while Satan weaves his shallow lies...God speaks to me in love"
The kids are down and the house is caught up and I have time, it's late and tiring time, but it's quiet. This is what I needed....
Deuteronomy 33:27
"The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms."
From Jesus Calling....
"I want you to be all mine. I am weaning you from other dependencies. Your security rests in Me alone - not in other people, not in circumstances. Depending on ME may feel like walking on a tightrope, but there is a safety net underneath: the everlasting arms. So don't be afraid of falling. Instead, look ahead to Me. I am always before you, beckoning you on - one step at a time. Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, can separate you from My loving Presence."
Satan can try all he wants but with Christ in me...he is already defeated. The battle is won and I am on the good side. I fail and I regret...big time...but in this house? We strive to serve the Lord and how I am forever grateful and forever indebted to the fact that His mercies are new every morning. I am given a grace beyond words and I am loved beyond description and I am forgiven. Sometimes I forget to pray more earnestly that God allow me to see these kids...as His. Because they are...
So after many shed tears...many regrets in one night...I open my hands and begin to seek forgiveness and count my blessings....
clear moon in the early morning hours, paper hearts filling my house, four healthy beating hearts, peacefully sleeping boys, late night secret kisses, thanking God for them while they sleep, deep breaths, my old worn and torn Bible, forgiveness, encouraging words from my love, quiet time...slippers...
....we'll just make this a long one....because originally I was just going to post about my shopping and what I do with it ;) sooo.....I hate grocery shopping...especially with all kids in tow. I like to feel organized and I like to shop with a clear mind. Most of the time I can escape to go by myself but sometimes I don't. Either way it's a lot of work and I like to do it as little as possible. So my goal is always to shop for 2+ weeks and stock my freezer.
Here are a few things I want to mention before hand...
1. We buy our meat in bulk. We buy a 1/4 cow and stock our freezer. We also have this amazing uncle who gives us atleast one deer a year if we fail to get one ourselves. chicken when on sale I will buy in bulk and stock our freezer (we got ourselves a cool little vacuum sealer for that)
2. Typically we will do at least one simple night of dinner food (grilled cheese and tomato soup, macaroni and cheese) and one breakfast night (eggs, french toast casseroles, sweedish pancakes or breakfast burritos).
3. Whether you are a family of 2, 6 or 10 groceries are not cheap. The bigger the family the more frugal I feel you need to be. So...we stay away from the processed food isles as much as possible because it's a lot of junk that doesn't last long and honestly spends more money. I try and make as much as possible myself. So I will make pizza dough and freeze it. I will make french breads, I will make granola bars and pop tarts, granola. You honestly also save money when buying in bulk or making in bulk.
So today I went to four different stores...Birds Meat Market, Whispering Pines (Amish store), Aldi's and Meijer and this is basically what I ended up with (some is already in the freezer and fridge)
Yes this gets me three weeks...maybe more of groceries.
So whenever I plan to make something freezable I double it on the day I make it and store it away for another week, a friend in need or a busy day. Here are some of the things I make ahead and freeze:
Spaghetti Sauce (from www.thepioneerwoman.com)
**this alone gets me 6 meals of spaghetti**
Chili
White chicken chili
Lasagna
BBQ's
Vegetables for fajitas
breakfast burritos
enchiladas or enchilada casserole
cinnamon rolls
breakfast casseroles/bake french toasts
any and every crockpot meal (stews, soups, marinated meats)
What I would suggest is printing out a menu plan...you can find them all over pinterest. Then I would start a pinterest board. I know some people find it evil but I love it for this reason alone. Here is mine...
http://www.pinterest.com/redeemed49345/monthly-cooking/
and a really good link....
http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2013/07/freezer-cooking/
Always remember too when shopping like this to plan out lunches, breakfasts and special events. I always plan a few extra goodies in case friends show up, our bible study groups or any other events I might have to bake for.
Oh! The cost? ;) I haven't added it all up but this trip probably cost me around $400 HOWEVER I bought chicken and lots of it, I bought lots of my baked goods stuff including chemical free flour in bulk, oatmeal in bulk, sugars in bulk, spices (lots of them) and I bought the stuff to make spaghetti sauce and my extra meals. Typically my budget is around $100 per week...sometimes I'm right on...other times...not.so.much.
TFS. I need to get Jesus Calling!
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