Simply Renovated

Sunday after church we are making a daring drive up north to visit with the in-laws.  The wind is blowing and there are drifts, ice and white outs.  There is Jesus music playing the background and I look at my husband ... desperate to fill that last available seat in our car.  I ask, "what do you think about starting adoption papers...soon...like now?" ... He keeps his eyes on the road, knowing them by heart, embraces a smile that curves to the right side of his mouth and says, "yes.  I think it's time".   I can't stop smiling.  I am almost crying and so filled with Joy! I am thankful for him. 

Re-wind four years.  We are newlyweds in the honeymoon stage and oblivious to the world around us and I mention to my new husband that I have always had a heart for adoption.  Since I started thinking about my future kids...I always had a heart for it.  He responds, "I don't think I care to do that".  I was crushed. But I knew it was early and so I put it off.  We have a child of our own.  We have another and I bring it up again and still there is no desire in his heart....so I begin to pray.   I begin to pray that if this is not God's will then please take the desire away from me and if it is then please work in my husbands heart.  Another child comes and he mentions his fear of adopting.  "What if we have a mix of children?", he asks me questions like this.   "If we have boys and girls of our own I'm not sure I would love an adopted child the same way"...that is his fear.  Three boys in our house and we are pregnant yet again...four boys.  God is good all the time.  

Let me tell you this.  People are so opinionated and they feel that because they've been there they know what is best and they know what is best for you...or dare I say it...they seem to know God's will for you. We have gotten things from both sides.  "Be careful when you adopt...there is emotional baggage involved", "You cannot be specific on things in adoption if it's truly from God...he will give you what is needed", "If you adopt through God's will he is going to give you a black boy because that is the most unwanted of children". Talk about guilt in every direction.   So I started opening my heart to the fact that maybe...just maybe there will be no girl in this house.  How selfish of me right? How selfish of me to want to adopt a baby girl.  

No.....no....I am thankful for my husband and that He fears God and loves HIm.  Ultimately I believe God is going to speak through Brian through this whole adoption process but, God has given me a peace in my heart that He provided us with four boys so that we can adopt that girl.  That we can give a girl a loving home where she will grow up with a dad who is head over heals for her and four brother willing to lay down their lives for her.  I have no serious convictions about what gender or what country to adopt from.  You see, people who are telling me what God's will is for my life are those who are striving to save the world.  I cannot do that.  Jesus already has.  I hate that there are dying children, dying mothers, I hate that there are neglected children and children being abused.  I hate that.  But I cannot save them all.  

I do have a heart for foster care.  But not now.  God has not shown us that it's the time in our lives for that.  Not with four little kids and hopefully soon to be five.   

So we are asking that you be prayerful with us? Allow the process to be smooth and clear...not necessarily easy...but obvious when and where to act.  That God speaks clearly to Brian and honestly that we handle people well.  Because like I said, people are opinionated and sometimes...well I just don't handle them all that well.  Thank you!