TGIF all!!! I personally am thankful it's Friday. I love LOVE love a weekend to spend with my family and this is a long one because of Labor Day!!!
Alright grab your cup of coffee (mine is in hand) and snuggle up and chat with me. I want to be raw and honest (because that is not like me right? ;)). Can I share with you what is on my heart? I do not share because I want an overflow of positive and encouraging comments or to throw myself a pity party. I share with the hope that someone else is going through or has gone through what is on my heart and God can encourage you through me and me through you.
Do you have a roller-coaster faith? Do you think it shows a reflection on your love for God when you do? Why do you think our faith is always changing...sometimes progressing and sometimes regressing? Sometimes I struggle to find where God has been faithful in my life. All of the time I struggle with the reality that God sees me...cares for me...and works in my life when there are huge crisis' going on throughout the world. When families are being chased from their home by the world's most powerful terrorist group. When women and children are being kidnapped and sold into sex slavery. When countries whose history of Christianity goes back to the beginning are becoming overtaken...so it seems there were never Christians present. Places where Jesus stood...where his disciples preached...where their feet touched the same dirt...now Christians are running away from that dirt...that history and many are being killed. Because I let myself get to this point of thinking whether or not God really takes the time to orchestrate my day while there are Christians being persecuted and I sit here in a warm house with coffee and happy healthy children...naturally I let it sink into every bit of my life. My role as a friend. I have gained some amazing friends and honestly I think I try to hard to keep them. Then when they pull away I worry worry worry that I did something wrong and will no longer have their friendship. What about my role as a wife? I don't measure up to the world's standards and I definitely don't measure up to most Christian wives in serving their husbands. My role as a mom? It's driving me crazy!!!! I should be doing "this" so that Benny Boy doesn't throw temper tantrums. I should implementing "this" because of Williams whining. I should be teaching like "this" if I want them to excel while learning at home and it goes on and on and on! And then we are moving. Moving to a much smaller, older house and daily I struggle with my pride in that. We have a beautiful home...it's gorgeous....it's big and has the potential of being bigger. It's new. And I struggle with what people will think when we move to a house that looks like a cottage.
So I get angry at myself. I get angry at myself because I get lost a little. Why do I let Satan creep in this much and allow me to question whether God is really faithful in my life? Because I fail to daily recognize where God is faithful in my life...I slowly fail at trusting Him. Everyday I choose to not see His faithfulness and rejoice through it, I allow my trust of Him to slowly diminish. How can I see Him faithful? In the everyday circumstances, in the beautiful sunset, in the smiling faces surrounding me...
Why do I struggle seeing His faithfulness? My weak flesh...my selfishness with my time...my sin. What is the cure? His Word.
Ann Voskamp writes it perfectly...
"Yes. It’s His story that wounds us and it’s His story alone that heals us and sadness always needs more Story. The fullest comfort comes from the fullest story. And the fullest Story is the Father story and I stay in it because it’s knowing the end of the Story that wipes away the tears".
I know it...yet I fail to preach it to myself daily.
"The Word became flesh..." meaning the Word became Jesus who was there in the beginning, who is one with the Father and Jesus is alive so the Word is alive. I fail to still marvel at the written Words in the greatest book ever! I fail to recognize it as the greatest book ever...
So do I think I am spiritually immature? yes. Am I? I don't think so. I think spiritually immature would be not letting this stage in your life bother you. I personally would rather live in a state of constantly being reminded of my dependence on God than ever feeling "set" in my faith.
So on Friday's I'd love to have some guest bloggers on here telling how God has shown Himself faithful in their lives. If you have a story send me a message at staciebphotography@gmail.com
Here is one of my favorite blogs in my life where I rejoiced in God's faithfulness...enjoy...
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