Simply Renovated: why a sunset is so convicting to me.....

It's gorgeous! Right? My husband took the whole week off last week. He just stayed home. I may not have been the "best" for our marriage ;) but we worked hard to make it work and truly enjoy 24/7 family time. I definitely have some subtle sin in my life when it comes to Brian being home all of the time. In his mind he is helping out but in my mind he is showing me how to do my job. Ha!

My husband and I had the opportunity to sneak away for a sunset. I don't remember the last time we watched a sunset, without kids and with no agenda. I need to throw in right here that my mom, Cheryl and her husband were amazing for willingly dropping their plans and with excitement took our boys.

We snuck to Olive Garden first (a favorite of ours)

...and we just enjoyed each other....

We went to the beach...right where he proposed 9 years ago and found a nice quiet spot for us to sit in the quiet...another thing we don't do enough. There was a perfect wind making it cool and not uncomfortable at all. He laid his shirt out so we could lay down and rest.

When the sun went down just a little and the sky was beginning to take color we went for a walk...down the small dune to the flat sand where water has met the sand and we kick a little in the surprisingly warm Lake Michigan.

We met a couple that was married for 20 years and they were doing the exact same thing as us...laughing...I took their picture for them and we continued on...Brian chased seagulls like a kid

...sending them soaring into the beating sun...

We walked back to our quiet space and just watched as the sky transformed into radiant, bright, indescribable colors. And there I sat, in almost tears, ashamed at where I was right there in life.

Why is it so hard to stay on track? Why do I let Satan creep in so easily? Why do I make time for a bucket list but not for Jesus? I sat staring into the sky and my husband asked me what I was thinking...

"It's amazing! It's convicting..."

He responds with, "because you are reminded how big God is?" and I say, "yes! But also how little I fear Him sometimes, how little I prioritize Him and how I need to because HE IS THIS BIG!"

I get caught up in my life...this life that God granted me...that I do not deserve. I get tangled in a mess and strangled and always wonder how I get there. Satan gets a hold of me and tells me these lies that I am not good enough. I am not a good friend, I am not a good wife, daughter, mother, sister, teacher....not.good.enough. I'm an inconvenience and not worthy of any one's time. I am strangling and feel my chest caving in and then this sunset screams...SCREAMS "come back to me!"...because God has given us a clear and simple way to reach him...Jesus. And I will admit I forget so easily that Jesus was real. He was a real person who came into this world the same way I did. Who walked the streets and whose feet got dirty. Who ate and slept, felt temptation and lies, dripped sweat and blood and tears....I forget that. And when I forget that...I get lost.

I am incredibly grateful for this man...because when I tell him I feel far from God...he doesn't just say, "well you should do something about that". I feels it with me and helps me through it. I got this man an iphone for Father's Day and I really only saw him texting on it...but he pulls it out and pulls up an app on prayer and asks, "will you do this challenge with me?" every night for 3 weeks? He leads me....puts me back on track...I am incredibly blessed.

I have been reflecting on this since we saw the sunset last week and the real reason I get lost, outside of forgetting Jesus, is I forget to give thanks in everything. I think when I wake up...I need more time. I need to get this done and that done...but really I just need enough time.

"Time to breathe deep and time to see real and time to laugh long, time to give You glory and rest deep and sing joy and just enough time in a day not to feel hounded, pressed, driven, or wild to get it all done..."

I get frustrated sometimes talking to God. I feel numb to life issues. I feel unheard...I was envious of people who really knew what it meant to "pray without ceasing". Prayer without ceasing is only possible in a life of continual thanks. How did I ever think there was another way to enter into His courts but with thanksgiving?

I said that I feel lost because I forget Jesus and am ungrateful. These two things beautifully go hand in hand. Remembering is an act of thanksgiving, a way of thanksgiving, "this turn of the heart over time's shoulder to see all the long way His arms have carried".

Do this in remembrance of Me. Remember and give thanks.

"Gratitude is not only the memories of our heart; gratitude is a memory of God's heart and to thank is to remember God."

Psalm 136:3-7

Give thanks to the Lord of Lords.