Here is our story.....
I was standing by my locker in the 8th grade, talking with a bunch of my girlfriends...dreading the bell that tells us to go to class. There was laughter coming from down the hall and it was a group of guys walking together. One in particular stood out. Why hadn't I noticed him before? Where did he come from? I even had to ask some of my girl friends and they told me, "That's Brian Berenbrock....Amy (I won't use her last name) and him are kind of a thing." Ahhh well. He was so cute. But Amy was my friend...no way. Days went on and I saw more and more of Brian, this guy I really couldn't stop thinking about (at age 13...geesh!). Summer came and Brian happened to be best friends with one of my best guy friends. So naturally we saw more of each other. Freshman year rolled around and I patiently waited for him. Amy and him went to the freshman homecoming dance together and so I went solo, with a group of friends. It wasn't long after that dance that Amy was officially asked out by an older guy in High School so I waited....and waited....and waited....Finally one day after school I was putting my books away in my locker and Brian comes up behind me and although we've only had 2 conversations before this, he asked me to be his girlfriend. And so it began....
We started that long but incredibly fun road of dating. We weren't your average High School couple. While everyone else went to parties on friday nights we made it a routine to order Pizza Hut Pizza and watch movies and yes...I'm going to say it...Funniest Home Videos (and we still do). We grew in our faith together and although we failed miserably many times...we can see now that God handpicked us for each other. I walked beside him as he tragically lost his older brother. He walked beside me through a broken family and the hurt and chaos involved. I am convinced any other high school guy would have walked away with the drama that always existed in my family...not Brian...he walked right beside me. We walked through graduation together and making the decisions of what to do with our lives once done with school. We walked the beach together and kissed in the sunset hours as he proposed to me...asking me to walk beside him for the rest of his life and if he can walk beside me for the rest of mine. And so...I walked that isle with my dad...to my groom...to stand beside him for the rest of our lives...
God hand picked us for each other. God protected our lives. We weren't perfect in our dating relationship. I thank God many times in my life that there is no one else competing in our marriage. What I mean by that...is Brian and I? We are each others one and only. There is no one else sharing any part of our intimate lives with us...I cannot describe how great of a blessing that is. God handpicked us...because God knows I wouldn't have handled multiple women in the past well. He handpicked Brian for me because he is a man who fears God. He has made it a strong commitment to keep his mind from temptation. God knew I needed a man that walks away from Victoria Secret commercials and pays no attention to any woman seeking attention from any man other than her man. He strives to keep his eyes fixed on Jesus and keep his eyes only for me. God knew I needed a man who would be an active father. A man who takes his role as "dad" 100% serious and doesn't look at me to do everything. He values me as a stay-at-home mom and values our family more than anything on this earth.
Today is our nine year anniversary and I cannot describe my heart right now. My cup is overflowing and again I am so undeserving. I am an ordinary wife. The more marriages I witness the more I realize that Brian...he is not an ordinary husband...he is far more.
We have been together for 16 years...officially more than 1/2 our life. We have not once gone through a "7 year itch" (although I would say transitioning to baby #3 was pretty darn close). Here are a few of my "tricks" and thoughts to a happy marriage....
1. If your marriage isn't Christ centered...it will fall apart. Many will argue this point saying, "I know many unbelieving couples who are doing great". My opinion on that is that they haven't experienced a Christ-centered marriage. To me when your marriage is centered on Christ there are so many rich blessings...communication, understanding, a continuous refreshed love and desire for your spouse, understanding, respect, happiness that is indescribable...and so when you start to center your marriage on something else...it feels like it's falling apart and if your marriage got to the point where there is no Christ at all...it would feel like the end of it all. It's not easy and it never will be to stay centered on Christ...you have to daily make that decision and work hard to maintain it because we are such a selfish people.
2. I'm old fashioned...I know that...but to me and for so many others...it works. Nothing...NOTHING...comes before your husband (except God). This is a hard one because we as women want to take care of our families and then ourselves and then our husband because, let's face it, he's a grown man and can take care of himself right? Always keep your goal on pleasing your husband. And always put yourself in his shoes (this can go for working women and non-working women). If your husband has been working all day...what does he want to come home to? What would you want to come home to? Does he want to come home to a wife who is stressed, nagging, angry and waiting for him to do everything? Or does he want to come home to a wife that drops everything the minute he walks in the door (who cares if your hair still isn't brushed, you forgot to brush your teeth and the house is a mess) and give him a big welcome home kiss. I have made it my goal to have this house be a place that my husband can't wait to come home to...and he can't. He says it almost daily, "I can't wait to get home to my family"...he aches when he is not here...
3. Marriage is not about you. If you can't get this right...it will fall apart. To an unbeliever it makes no sense but to a believer it makes perfect sense. Marriage is a picture of Christ's relationship to the Church...selfless...grace-filled, forgiving, unconditional love, laying your life down...selfless (did I already say that ;) ). Marriage is designed to make you Holy..not happy...although if you're striving to make your marriage Christ centered...you will be happy.
4. Make an effort to continually get to know each other. We change as people, our dreams change and our character changes. I am constantly getting to know Brian better and I love it. It wasn't until our 8th year in marriage that I felt I was a part of a different life of Brians...the U.P. I know it sounds petty but we talked last night about our favorite moment in our 9 years of marriage and it can't be the honeymoon or the babies born. Mine was going to the U.P. for my first time ever with Brian. It was a part of him that I wasn't a part of and I loved watching his eyes light up as he showed me all around. Sunday night...the moon was so bright. Our room was pitch black but the moon lit it just enough that I could see Brians face expression as he talked about his mans weekend away...the laughs they had, the conversations he had with our pastor about our pastors dad, the things he learned, the sights he saw and the sleeping adventures. I learned that night how he conducts himself with all men. I learned that night what getting away on a spiritual vacation meant to him. Never think you know it all.
5. Learn their love language. No I am not telling you to read the book...but I am telling to learn how the feel loved.
6. Never stop dating. I am not saying that you have to constantly go on dates (although I think it's very helpful)...but make an effort in your marriage to still "impress" your spouse. Every year I do a 30 marriage challenge for myself and it includes things like getting fully ready for your husbands return from work that day. Spend the day preparing the house and yourself. Take him fishing (or whatever it is he likes to do) and do it with him. While he mowing the lawn ask him to take his shirt off ;) (assure him your eyes are still desiring of him). Write him letters of encouragement or verbally tell him he is doing a great job in his role because men, they do struggle with that. They do not want to fail...assure them they are not.
7. This one is huge. Find mentors. Our pastor advised this of us when we were in pre-marital counseling and we took it to heart. we put it off for so long and now we wouldn't trade it for a thing. They are older and have gone through so much in their marriage and have so much wisdom from it and they share it. They encourage us. They advise us. They help us. Get mentors!
Maybe these things won't work forever...but for now this is what makes our marriage work and what makes us both happy ... to the point of not wanting to be away from each other ;).
To the man I do life with...
Thank you for sacrificing for our family
Thank you for choosing me and no one else
Thank you for fearing God and wanting to please Him
Thank you for being an active father and loving your kids from the start and diving in even after a days hard work
Thank you for holding me accountable in my faith and making me want to be a better woman of God
Thank you for wrapping your arms around me with each growing belling
Thank you still for, without hesitation, wrapping your arms around me after each growing belly and desiring me despite the remains of those growing bellies
Thank you for telling me I'm beautiful all of the time
Thank you for making the first thing you do when you walk through the door is to kiss me long and with love (not out of routine or obligation)
Thank you for the endless nights of wrestling with your boys
Thank you for the shoulder you always offer when I'm hurt or down
Thank you for loving me for the woman I am and am becoming and not for what I have to offer
Thank you for making me laugh and wanting to make me laugh
Thank you for teaching me
I couldn't have picked a better man...that is why God did it. I love you Brian Scott Berenbrock. Happy 9 Years of doing life together!
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