My Changing Season

"We have to forgo some good things in order to CHOOSE others that are better

or best because they develop our faith in the Lord Jesus Christ

and strengthen our families."

~Elder Oaks~

This morning I woke up and my 2 year old was the only one awake.  I changed his diaper, got him some milk and we snuggled.  We sat in a huge chair that we have in our living room and we snuggled.  He moved his silk blankie between his fingers and drank his milk as his tight little ringlet of curls brushed against my face. When he was finished he turned to me and gave me a hug...squeezing his arms tight around my neck.  I want to never forget that.  I want to keep them right here...right now.  That's right, dirty diapers, snotty noses, middle of the night wake up calls, fully dependent on me.  I don't want to miss it. Can I just repeat that? I DO NOT want to miss it. I do not want to wake up and realize that i didn't show them all the love I could possibly have.  I don't want to come to the dinner table one night and have them be so happy because mom is sitting down for dinner with the family...I want that to be the normal. I want to sing them to sleep every night and not just some nights.  I want to be there to hear their dad say their prayers with them.  I want to be fully there. 

There is so much good in my life.  So many good things.  I have an amazing husband...four amazing boys...a great supporting family, a church I love consumed with friendship and relationship I love.  I sing and play the piano, I bake and love canning and boy oh! boy do I LOVE photography.  "We have to forgo some good things in order to choose others that are better or best".  

Friends, I cry as I write this and there is HUGE resistance as I write.  The season of photography is done for me.  I should have obeyed God last year when He was pressing on my heart to step back..to focus on the best thing in life...my family.  But I didn't.  I justified, made excuses and enjoyed the glorification of myself way too much.  This year before August even hit, I realized that I was missing out on so much with my family.  My husbands attitude changed (although he is incredibly supportive and proud of me) he was missing me.  I went to this Worship God conference.  There was a man who randomly got up and shared a picture he felt God had given him.  He describe traveling down a country road...approaching two tall mountains.  As you started to go in between the mountains a heavy fog covered the road.  He went into description about how maybe you have a big decision on your heart and you cannot see where that road will take you.  But God does and He is forever faithful.  He works for the good of those who love and obey him. I went to a seminar on remaining steadfast in changing seasons.  There was this young mother there.  She was a musician with three young kids.  She asked how she could manage her time better between that and her three kids.  The speaker said, "God gives us many gifts.  Whether we recognize them or not, we are all gifted and they are all from God.  God has gifted you with three children.  That is the most important gift and nothing one earth should come before that".  There it was.  God speaking through three different people within a month saying to me that it is my time to step away. 

Photography will always be here and I do feel God has given me a great passion for it and a great gift.  But I "do not want to look back someday and realize I choose the good things over the best things".  

If God has blessed me in this journey thus far, will he not bless me for honoring my family and obeying him? He absolutely will.  And although there is great resistance in stepping back, there is also a great peace.

I have sent out emails to those who have been incredibly faithful to my business.  It is a small list and it was hard to crunch it down further as we decided what was best for our family.  Those who have received the email I will continue to pour my heart and passion into your families.  Maybe as the kids grow or that list shrinks I will be open to more clients.  But as of right now I plan to not take any new clients or keep the new clients that I already have.  My business will be very small and very personal.  Like I said photography will always be there and how fortunate are we that our area is saturated with photographers.  If you have booked with this year or even next I will remain faithful to that...I will not leave you hanging :D. 

I cannot express my thanks enough!  You guys have been AMAZING!  Last year I counted over 250 families that have chosen me to capture their love through the lens...that is incredible and I am forever grateful for you all.  I have had so much fun getting to know everyone (I honestly can't believe my brain has stored everyone of you) and it is hard to step back.  But we all say thank you for being understanding....

My family says thank you! 

I pray and hope that if you used me you saw my passion for God, my family and yours!