The start of our new journey together....

We are getting so close....the time to start that new journey together...homeschooling.

These four little crazy boys sometimes make me want to pull my hair out but other times make me want to sit down, pull them on my lap and take in every scent, every feature and every moment with them.  They mean the world to me...that big one does to.

We have gotten both good and bad responses when we tell people we are homeschooling.  My friend just recently put it, "It's sad that homeschooling is a topic like breastfeeding or bottle feeding.  A stay at home mom or a working mom".  So, so true!  

Want me to have an honest moment with you? I've had doubts.  I've had moments where I've broken down and questioned whether or not this is a good thing.  I've questioned myself if I am doing this for selfish reasons or for reasons to benefit my children.  I've cried, become grumpy and overwhelmed.  How does God work in it all? He brings me moms who have home-schooled and have been a huge encouragement.  He puts new young moms in my life who are trying for the first time, who have done it just for a year or for many years and share my excitement and commitment to it.  Is that not God working? A random mom, who I've never met, comes into my life and somehow we talk about school and I find out they too are a homeschooling family! 

Last year was probably the longest year of my life.  I had one child who screamed everyday I dropped him off, chased me down the hall once and clung to me for dear life.  I know many of you think I should have continued to push him into school.  I know this because many of you have shared your stories with me.  And I do not write this to make you feel guilty (because everyone is different) but that was not for me.  My heart was hurting everyday I left my kid there.  There are going to be many days to come when he doesn't want to be with me, why not hang on tight to those days (right now) when he wants to be with me.

I also had a kid who loves school.  But he hated getting there and he hated coming home.  Everyday we fought. I fought with him in the morning to get up and get going, fought with him to get him to his class and fought with him when he got home because he just wanted to check out and not listen, not.do.anything!  That made for a very long, tiring year.  I had no chance to work on his character, to teach him values, I could live the love of Christ but I had no time to teach him it because he came home from school and didn't want to learn more.  We fought.  I made a decision at the end of the year to not live like that year again.  This is where I questioned and wrestled a little because he really does love school.  But I cannot honor God in the lifestyle we lived last year.  

So we are almost there.  We decided to start when everyone else does and surprisingly and all praise to God they are getting excited!  I was mostly overwhelmed at the curriculum choices for 2nd grade so this year I was blessed to be able to borrow curriculum to see how it works and what I like.  So we have decided to go with sonlight this year and we couldn't be more excited!  I have had great support and help from friends, family and others.  My sister scored a whole reading curriculum for free along with a huge flip book of the science! I found a couple garage sales that allowed me to grab some great deals on writing and reading, along with sing along songs.  I downloaded music both praise and worship, and typical songs kids know so everyday we can learn music (I believe it is a huge part in learning).  

I would be lying if I still wasn't scared. If those doubts of "am I doing enough", "am I doing the right thing", "will people hate me because of it", "will I ruin my kids", rise up in me still.  BUT I focus on things above! I look at the eternal value and those fears are washed away!  I have decided to not base anything on this year.  I will do it again next year and base if off that.  If it's not working out for us then we will try a different option.  God has gifted me with four boys to raise up to know and love Him.  I want to put them in a world of hate towards God and have them be prepared to really show the love of Christ.  I don't need them to be prepared to be able to survive in this crazy world.  I need them to be the hands and feet of Christ to change this crazy world.  My prayer this year, I'm challenging myself to do it everyday, is to pray for parents of the next generation.  That they too, would prepare their kids to be the hands and feet of Christ, to be a generation of courage for God.  To know how to show Christs love and stand up for Him. 

Thank you for those who have been so supportive to our journey and for those who have prayed!

 This will be our "theme" for the school year

 For now (until the basement is finished) this is where the kids' stuff is stored

 This is in Will and Zaks room.  We are not going to be super crazy about this but they will just know what day of the week it is, the date, and get chores here.  And the crafty weather ball :D.  Attached is a clothes pin that says, "today's weather is..." and there is a cloud, umbrella, sun and snowflakes

 one of the "reading centers"...a small bookshelf of books and a giant bean bag

 Art supplies and my daily vitamin (coffee)

All of my resources!

Here we go........

this....sister

Today is a day that changes everything, yet changes nothing.  

Twelve years ago my mom met this man.  A man I do believe she loved.  She wanted

to give her heart to him and he gave her a ring.  It wasn't a long relationship and it left her alone,

heartbroken for the millionth time and carrying a child inside.

My mom was never rich.  My mom was barely even set at times but one thing I can say for sure

is that my mom loved us, she loved children and she loved the sanctity of life.  She chose to carry that child

despite the financial struggle ahead, despite raising that child alone and despite all of the more

"convenient" options.

I remember it clearly.  I was being walked down the football field on Homecoming night in the running

for Homecoming Queen.  My parents stood on the track waiting for me and my mom...in pain.

The next morning she went to the hospital as I was getting ready for the Homecoming Dance.  Although this

was her sixth child, she was scared and alone. 

I got ready for the dance and instead of going out to eat with my handsome date (now my husband) we

went and met my baby sister.  A tiny (premie sized) red head little blessing.  My mom chose life.  Oh, how grateful we all

are for that. 

That man never came back into her life and she struggled.  But she grew a faith in Christ during that time that showed.

She met another man years later.  A man who wasn't bothered by the thought of that little red head girl.

Twelve years later that man is asking to be her official dad.  Today, that happens!

Although I have never EVER viewed her as anything less than my full blooded sister, legally she is my half sister.  

So today changes nothing.  In my heart she has always been my sister and John has been her dad.  But today, also changes everything!

Mom, I am so proud of you for choosing life, knowing it was going to be difficult and challenging.

John, thank you for loving Paige as your own.  Thank you for stepping into that dad role once again and treating her as if she was nothing less than your own.

Paige, you spunky little red head...I love you like a sister and always have!  I am so happy for you today!

Love that little red head girl!

Believing

"Your ways, God, are holy.

What god is as great as our God?

You are the God who performs miracles;

you display your power among the peoples."

I think one obstacle we experience in believing God is that we don't see miracles today.  We pray to God asking Him to show us a sign that He exists and when He doesn't answer that prayer then we are left with piercing unbelief...both believers and unbelievers.

"Much of the body of Christ is paralyzed by unbelief.  Our unbelief has likely ushered

us into a frustrating, disabling cycle: we believe little, so we see little,

so we continue to believe little and see little"

~Beth Moore~

We believe little so we see little.  We believe it's rare to see miracles, if at all, so we believe that today God no longer performs them, when really the real obstacle is that there is an astonishing belief in our generation. 

"God is not offended by our requests for supernatural intervention.  On the contrary,

God is pleased when we exercise faith.  God is offended when our desire

for signs and wonders eclipses our desire for Him

or becomes a request for God to prove Himself"

The simple question is this: Do we believe God is who He says He is?  Do we truly, with all our hearts, believe this? It is natural for us to desire to see God's distinguishing mark in our society today.  We desire to see signs and wonders, but we don't believe God can or will perform them.  We need to earnestly and fervently seek Him and search Him.  

"My son, if you accept my words

 and store up my commands within you,

turning your ear to wisdom

and applying your heart to understanding - indeed,

if you call out for insight and cry aloud

for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver

and search for it as for hidden treasure."

~Proverbs 2:1-4~

"We are given no signs from God;

no prophets are left,

and none of us knows how long this will be. 

How long will the enemy mock you, God?

Will the foe revile your name forever?

Why do you hold back your hand, your right hand? 

Take it from the folds of your garment and destroy them!

But God is my King from long ago; he brings salvation

to the earth.

It was you who split open the sea by your power;

you broke the heads of the monster in the waters.  

It was you who crushed the heads of the leviathan

and gave it as food to the creatures in the dessert. 

It was you who opened up springs

and streams

you dried up the ever-flowing rivers.

The day is yours, and yours also the night;

you established the sun and the moon.

It was you who set all the boundaries of the earth 

you made both summer and winter. 

Rise up, O God, and defend your cause;"

~Psalm 74~

Do you believe God is who He says He is?

I HIGHLY encourage you to watch this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNgJhuICrVA

and if you want just a glimpse of the video above....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvzA9Pv3pcM

My Changing Season

"We have to forgo some good things in order to CHOOSE others that are better

or best because they develop our faith in the Lord Jesus Christ

and strengthen our families."

~Elder Oaks~

This morning I woke up and my 2 year old was the only one awake.  I changed his diaper, got him some milk and we snuggled.  We sat in a huge chair that we have in our living room and we snuggled.  He moved his silk blankie between his fingers and drank his milk as his tight little ringlet of curls brushed against my face. When he was finished he turned to me and gave me a hug...squeezing his arms tight around my neck.  I want to never forget that.  I want to keep them right here...right now.  That's right, dirty diapers, snotty noses, middle of the night wake up calls, fully dependent on me.  I don't want to miss it. Can I just repeat that? I DO NOT want to miss it. I do not want to wake up and realize that i didn't show them all the love I could possibly have.  I don't want to come to the dinner table one night and have them be so happy because mom is sitting down for dinner with the family...I want that to be the normal. I want to sing them to sleep every night and not just some nights.  I want to be there to hear their dad say their prayers with them.  I want to be fully there. 

There is so much good in my life.  So many good things.  I have an amazing husband...four amazing boys...a great supporting family, a church I love consumed with friendship and relationship I love.  I sing and play the piano, I bake and love canning and boy oh! boy do I LOVE photography.  "We have to forgo some good things in order to choose others that are better or best".  

Friends, I cry as I write this and there is HUGE resistance as I write.  The season of photography is done for me.  I should have obeyed God last year when He was pressing on my heart to step back..to focus on the best thing in life...my family.  But I didn't.  I justified, made excuses and enjoyed the glorification of myself way too much.  This year before August even hit, I realized that I was missing out on so much with my family.  My husbands attitude changed (although he is incredibly supportive and proud of me) he was missing me.  I went to this Worship God conference.  There was a man who randomly got up and shared a picture he felt God had given him.  He describe traveling down a country road...approaching two tall mountains.  As you started to go in between the mountains a heavy fog covered the road.  He went into description about how maybe you have a big decision on your heart and you cannot see where that road will take you.  But God does and He is forever faithful.  He works for the good of those who love and obey him. I went to a seminar on remaining steadfast in changing seasons.  There was this young mother there.  She was a musician with three young kids.  She asked how she could manage her time better between that and her three kids.  The speaker said, "God gives us many gifts.  Whether we recognize them or not, we are all gifted and they are all from God.  God has gifted you with three children.  That is the most important gift and nothing one earth should come before that".  There it was.  God speaking through three different people within a month saying to me that it is my time to step away. 

Photography will always be here and I do feel God has given me a great passion for it and a great gift.  But I "do not want to look back someday and realize I choose the good things over the best things".  

If God has blessed me in this journey thus far, will he not bless me for honoring my family and obeying him? He absolutely will.  And although there is great resistance in stepping back, there is also a great peace.

I have sent out emails to those who have been incredibly faithful to my business.  It is a small list and it was hard to crunch it down further as we decided what was best for our family.  Those who have received the email I will continue to pour my heart and passion into your families.  Maybe as the kids grow or that list shrinks I will be open to more clients.  But as of right now I plan to not take any new clients or keep the new clients that I already have.  My business will be very small and very personal.  Like I said photography will always be there and how fortunate are we that our area is saturated with photographers.  If you have booked with this year or even next I will remain faithful to that...I will not leave you hanging :D. 

I cannot express my thanks enough!  You guys have been AMAZING!  Last year I counted over 250 families that have chosen me to capture their love through the lens...that is incredible and I am forever grateful for you all.  I have had so much fun getting to know everyone (I honestly can't believe my brain has stored everyone of you) and it is hard to step back.  But we all say thank you for being understanding....

My family says thank you! 

I pray and hope that if you used me you saw my passion for God, my family and yours! 

Believing God

Have you ever heard the story of the woman who her whole life only had one page of the entire bible? ONE PAGE and she clung to it and believed it and found her hope in it.  She had a chance to come to America and she walked into a Christian bookstore because all she wanted was a bible and she wept because there were HUNDREDS to choose from.  

We are so spoiled in America.  Do you know that? Do you feel it? Why do we make things so complicated here? We have tons of bibles in tons of different translations, we have commentaries to go with every single book in the bible along with references and suggested material to help with those commentaries.  We are spoiled and because of it we have made things so complicated.  "Well what exactly does God mean when it's implied that it's not by faith but by works?", "Does this verse mean God loves everyone or just those who obey him perfectly?", "Why doesn't the creation story go into more specifics?", "Is it possible that the creation story might line up with science?" and it goes on and on and on...

"Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.  Faith is God's favorite revelation to a lost world that He exists."

So do we believe? Isaiah 45:18-19 says, "I am the Lord, and there is no other...I, the Lord, speak the truth; I declare what is right".  What a sweet sounding authoritative voice!  We have turned the Gospel into something it's not, we have taken from the Gospel what need not be taken.  We have complicated the simplest message.  How do I know it's simple? Because God made it simple enough for children to understand.  God made the Gospel simple enough for children to understand and tells us adults to have a "child-like" faith again. 

Beth Moore says in her study "Believing God" , "while waves of godless intellectualism rise and fall and the trends set the tides, you and I are better off watching from the nearest solid Rock (Christ).  To be sure, BELIEVERS SHOULD SEEK to be well educated about current events and intellectual trends, but WE NEED NOT FEEL QUITE SO RESPONSIBLE TO DEFEND GOD".  What is this saying? The world is changing that is right.  There are things obviously going against God's word in this world and although we need to stand firm in our faith and stand on Christ the Solid Rock we don't need to do so with hatred.  We don't need to speak hateful things to get our point across and make fools of ourselves and lose what slight opportunity we havw to witness!

I'm going off track and getting into a rant :D.  Back to the focus!  Who does God say He is?  The Author of the Word of God packed Scripture with divine names, titles, and positions so that we could understand that He is everything we could ever need or want.  The very first identity He prioritized is God our Creator.  He knew that all reasoning persons would ultimately wonder how they came into existence.  In the beginning God created! Do we believe that?

"Faith is complete engagement with God: holding on to God and His promises because we know He's holding on to us.  Beloved, God is who He says He is."

I am continually thankful that the bible has a great purpose.  The bible was not written to create debates, to leave us wondering if there is controversy in it.  The bible is a story of redemption.  Jesus Christ.  He is found in the Old Testament as well as the New.  The bible is about God's love and how we are to handle it!  Praise God! What an amazing purpose.  We are to believe it...trust it...have faith in it....be grateful for it....and stop taking from it or adding to it.  

I couldn't watch this video without crying.  This man is from Indonesia.  For the longest time they didn't have a complete New Testament in their language.  This man is praising God through prayer because they for the first time have the entire new Testament translated in their language.  What an amazing faith this man has!  May we all have faith like this and have a grateful heart like his!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jkDW0-gIr0

Just my thoughts for this night :D!

Grace and Peace!

sisterhood

There was once this little girl.  I wish I could describe her cuteness!  She was tiny, with little hands and feet, huge blue eyes and blonde hair that was always put in a pony tail at the top of her head making her hair cascade over like a fountain. 

See God knew that we would be sisters before we knew.  God knew we would share bonds that we couldn't have even imagined before we even desired them.  Ya see, not all sisters have a bond.  Not all sisters even have a relationship.  And when they do, it is something to be cherished and something to be incredibly thankful for.  

This little girl would always come knocking on my door.  Asking me if she could play with my dollhouse.  Sometimes, sure, I thought it was annoying especially if I had just set it all up but most times I let her in and played with her or let her play.  With a 7 year difference this is a big deal to let a little girl come into your room and play with your dollhouse. 

Us kids, we were raised in divorce.  Never, NEVER underestimate the effects of divorce.  Some think it's no big deal but really, it has long lasting effects on who you become and emotionally.  So really, we relied on each other.

This girl continued to grow as did I.  I remember trying to invest in her life so that she would grow to be a strong woman of God.  Yes we had an amazing mother who did this as well but sometimes it's just different when your bigger sister does it.  She finally made it to Jr. High where I was a group leader.  I still clearly remember the picture taken with my first small group and how cool that my sister was there.  I will never forget the times we had together.  I will never forget thanking God in prayer for making her a strong woman of God.  I will never forget the sentiment involved in serving on a missions trip together with your younger sister who you watched be raised.  I can imagine it's a lot like serving with your child who you've lifted in prayer to become a strong warrior for God.  What an amazing blessing!

Even better.  God gave us a bond that we could never imagine.  We both love to shop, we both love to sing, we both love to bake, we both love photography, we both love our Jesus and we both love women who share our faith.  How cool is that? Although I know there may be times when we both wished we didn't share so much in common (especially when we go shopping together, separate and come back with the exact same piece of clothing), but for the most part I am incredibly grateful that we share these in common because I am reminded that some women don't have sisters, some don't have sisters that share the same faith, some don't have sisters that have ONE thing in common but I have a sister who is basically a twin and I am incredibly grateful for that. 

I know we both mess up and sometimes it creates a HUGE mess but one thing I am incredibly indebted to and incredibly grateful for is God's faithfulness, His promises and His Amazing Grace!

Grace and Peace, oh how can this be?

The matchless King of all (there is none other like Him)

Paid the blood price for me (suffered and died for me...you)

Slaughtered Lamb, what atonement You bring! (perfect sacrifice)

The vilest sinner's heart can be cleansed, can be free

Oh, what an amazing mystery

What an amazing mystery

That your grace has come to me

Sister, you know who you are.  I love you! One falling out means nothing less.  I am grateful because James says that we should rejoice in our sufferings because it is used to strengthen our faith and walk with God.  Although our suffering is painful and hard to learn through I am excited to see what God teaches us.  

Worship God 2013

"Grace and Peace, oh how can this be

For lawbreakers and thieves

For the worthless, the least

You have said, that our judgement is death

For all eternity without hope, without rest

Oh, what an amazing mystery

What an amazing mystery
That your grace has come to me"

I cannot even begin to describe how grateful I felt this past weekend.  I had an A-M-A-Z-I-N-G opportunity to go to Louisville, Kentucky for the Sovereign Grace Worship God Conference.  

This conference went from Wednesday night to Saturday morning.  To be honest I really didn't know what to expect.  Our Worship Pastor asked us to go if we come up with the means and I am always excited for the opportunity to get away from life for a bit and grow in my relationship with Christ.  So I jumped on it! So we signed up for four different seminars and I was quite excited to see what they brought but open to whatever was going to happen that weekend.  Did I go with expectations? Absolutely!  The main thing I wanted to get out of it was a new sense and meaning to worshiping our Lord Jesus Christ.  Did that happen? Absolutely!  You walk into a sanctuary filled with 1,000 people who love to worship Christ through music, instruments and songs and it ends up being a sweet sweet taste of Heaven.  Even better...whatever we even kind of experience here on earth is going to 1,000 times better in Heaven...I can ONLY imagine the worship when I see Jesus face to face!

"Called to be Faithful" was the theme for the week!

A weekend filled with the meaning of Grace!  A weekend filled with the complete focus on Christ!
Here are a few things I learned:

• Learning how much I put my focus on what I am doing in service to Christ and how much I do or do not pursue God when I really need to be intentionally aware of MY FATHER'S PURSUIT OF ME!
• MY FATHER IS SEEKING WORSHIPERS - those who worship in Spirit and in Truth!
• I need to focus on what God gave me.  If I concentrate on what I've received, CHRIST IS MAGNIFIED and GRACE IS MAGNIFIED!
• Concentrating on what I have received and I will worship wholeheartedly in Spirit and in Truth!
• Making sure I am checking my heart, making sure I am not in any way, shape, or form ashamed of the Gospel and preparing my heart to PROCLAIM THE GOSPEL!
• Learning that God sees my heart and my faithful service and HE IS PLEASED BY IT!
• Remembering that as we sing praises to Christ, He is already singing praises over us!
• Remember that God did gift me with much and I value those gifts because THEY ARE HIS!
• Do I carry a sense of ASTONISHED GRATEFULNESS?
• When your heart tells you you are worthless CANNOT THE WORD OF GOD OVERCOME YOUR HEART?!?
• You do not need to wrestle well with suffering for God to love you.  God is pleased with you because of how JESUS RESPONDED TO SUFFERING!

Grace and peace, oh how can this be?

The matchless King of all

Paid the blood price for me

Slaughtered Lamb, what atonement You bring!

The vilest sinner's heart can be cleansed, can be free

Oh, what an amazing mystery

What an amazing mystery

That your grace has come to me

Here are the things I am incredibly grateful for this past week! Memories that I am thankful to God for!

• Watching 1,000 believers lift their hands in worship!
• We sat at a place called Mark's Feed Store.  A southern BBQ and it was loud and we were in the middle.  Asking Jim, the loudest person there, to pray and he hums a tune and starts to sing, "Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Praise Him all creatures here below.  Praise Him above ye Heavenly Host. Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost.  Amen!"  And it was incredible to watch and listen as the restaurant silenced.  Given the opportunity and God is glorified!
• Waking up to smiling, joy-filled faced every morning at breakfast (and starbucks coffee)
• Having a sweet conversation with a friend about our passion that we share
• Being encouraged by a friend, a beautiful woman of God
• Listening to 1,000 believers sing their prayers out to God
• Watching men and women from a different generation laugh with us, share their stories with us, share their wisdom and worship
• Watching everyone get fired up for God
• Sharing our joys, encouragements and convictions
• Learning how to pray through scripture and actually doing it
• Laughing uncontrollably in the car ride home...to the point that my face hurt
• Sharing many laughs and tears
• cherished time with those I love
• shared laughs with some incredibly beautiful Godly women, Bertha, Lori, Kristy, Cali and Shelby!

 

Grace and peace, oh how can this be? 

Let songs of gratefulness

Ever rise, NEVER CEASE

Loved by God and called as a saint

My heart is satisfied in the riches of Christ

Oh, what an amazing mystery

What an amazing mystery

That your grace has come to me

OH, WHAT AN AMAZING LOVE I SEE

WHAT AN AMAZING LOVE I SEE

THAT YOUR GRACE HAS COME TO ME!