The end of Autumn is drawing near...and we are not ready. There is wood to be stacked, windows to be sealed, leaves to be raked and winter gear to buy. Yet still the snow falls...quietly, slowly, softly and I sit still...amazed. Every year I wait more eagerly than the first for this white lovely wonder to fall. There is frost on the windows, literally because we up and bought an old 1920's house, with old windows and little heat. There is clove, cinnamon and pine oils diffusing and filling the house with winter goodness. Peppermint green tea is steaming in my face and touching my lips. All four boys are resting...ahhhh resting...God's incredible gift to parents...discovered!
I sip on my wintery drink and still...recovering from the weekend away with women. Realizing I am old and that if I don't get adequate sleep my life is flipped upside down. Yes...still recovering...I'm only 30. I have come to the decision that I cannot leave for a weekend. Recovering not only from lack of sleep but from the house lacking any housekeeping...it's not for me. I go away for one whole day and one night and come home. While I'm supposed to come home relaxed and refreshed...all I could think of was...did the laundry get switched or are there moldy clothes in the washer, how does the bathroom smell, did the boys take care of any of their clothes or get bathed at all, I have to clean these floors and counters and oh.those.dishes. Moving to this house we sacrificed many things and one of them was a dishwasher...well it's me now..all me. My house cannot be like this! It just can't.
WHY?
I was sitting in a room with 52 women. Most all vulnerable and some desperate. The mic gets passed around with one question lingering in each woman's head.
what do you need God to redeem in your life?
I couldn't help but notice a HUGE pattern around the circle. I couldn't help but allow a little anger to build up in me. Not at all towards any women...not at all towards their circumstances but towards this world and the standards it holds for women...for mothers. These standards are causing these women to feel failure daily...to feel unworthy daily...to feel rejected and slain. My heart hurts for the woman whose tears fall because of yelling at her children, tears well up as one recognizes she crushed her child instead of building them up, I nod in agreement when one expressing the exhaustion coming from motherhood...
this is right where God wants you...
there is a great parallel in our Christian walk and life with Christ's purpose here on earth. From reading True Spirituality by Francis Shaeffer I am learning just in the second chapter about the centrality of death. This parallel is that Christ came to earth not to be loved by many but to be rejected, slain and risen. In our daily walk as a Christian we are to be rejected and slain and allow nothing but the love and blood of Jesus and his grace offered to raise us. I don't know about for you but for me? I need Jesus most when I am in these positions that motherhood often puts us in. Positions where I am irritable, impatient, unloving, feeling unworthy, rejected and slain. Because what is the gospel if we are not in these positions? We have no authority over the gospel. We will never "arrive" in our faith until we are falling on our knees, bending incredibly low at the feet of Jesus as he sits at the right hand of our Father. As long as we are on this earth we will always ALWAYS need the gospel. To me there is no better training ground in becoming more like Christ than in parenting.
The snow is falling in bigger ways now...but still soft, slow and quiet. I refill my tea and think...God brings life out of death! Yes it's truth...it's scripture...it's written and God-breathed.
Soon here the little world around us will be transformed. Dead leaves with no color left, bare branches and the coarse crispy grass will be blanketed with this soft, quiet snow. The tea is warming my body now as I realize that is a parallel as well. Because when we believe in Jesus Christ, we are covered by his blood. His blood, love and grace blanket our lives. He transforms us.
As moms we will mess up. We will make an "on the spot" decision of tearing our kids down as opposed to building them up. We will fail and fall and feel unworthy and rejected. We will make mistakes. But what's most important is what we do after we blow it or in the midst of blowing it or when you feel like you want to blow it.
When you "seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness" all these things will be added. Meaning if you seek Christ first in your life and in the role of mothering...he bless you. Expectations of how you mother should not be of this world. Your realistic expectations should come from focusing on God and everything he has already provided for you. Because reality is when we get our worth from anything other than God, it enslaves us.
God made no mistake in making you a mother. He had you chosen before you thought about becoming one. He didn't pick you because he knew you would do a perfect job. He didn't pick you because you were even qualified. We are, in my opinion, not qualified to be mothers. Because we naturally do not want to die to ourselves. We are selfish and prideful and arrogant. But we are chosen because HE is qualified. When we rest in his truth. When he says to come to him when you are weary and burdened and He will give you rest...he means it. Moms...he chose you for a great purpose and reason but he didn't choose you and expect for you to do it alone. He wants you to run into his arms and find rest, find your worth and your expectations in him alone.
Motherhood is not easy. It's intentional. Intentionally relying on Christ. Intentionally making room for the mystery...our Savior. Intentionally inviting him in daily and intentionally listening to the Holy Spirit. Intentionally choosing to find thanks in all things because when you are intentionally searching for gifts...you find joy. Intentionally giving grace freely because it's been given to you.
Intentionally remembering the joys of life as a mom. Intentionally being willing to have a fresh start the next day because His mercies are new every morning...
Intentionally reminding yourself of truth, God-breathed promises....
If we want to succeed in being a mother...we must intentionally make room for Him.
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