Three years ago today I woke up...still pregnant...counting the hours I had been overdue.  I always wondered "why not a 7 month pregnancy?"  To me that made more sense...I teased it would be my first question to God (although I know that will be the last ;) ).  My sister was there for many false labors and she was working on her third day being with me.  I am pretty sure it was good birth control for her ;) because I was miserable.  I remember getting in positions I couldn't get out of because there was an aching...no...more like a knife stabbing pain in my back.  I cried and cried because I was tired and in pain...but I also remember leaning in really close to God during those three days of being overdue.  

Contractions started around 4pm and I called Brian home from work.  I continued to make the kids pancakes for dinner knowing I would be leaving soon.  Contractions started consistently at 7 minutes apart and within the 1/2 hour it took Brian to get home they were 4 minutes apart and moving fast (yes Brian sped the entire way there).  We got settled in our room and by this (the 4th child) we had really learned to cherish that time before the baby came.  It was like a mini-vacation for us ;/ as we watched AFV, which I do not recommend because having contractions and laughing just do not go well together.

It was my shortest and easiest labor and we had welcomed yet another Berenbrock boy into this world.....

Benjamen Aaron Berenbrock

06-28-2011

I seriously never knew how much I loved this man until I saw how much he loves our kids....

From the moment Benny-boy was born he brought smiles into our lives...by sucking just his middle finger and giving us  'rock star' sign...to looking at us with big...no HUGE brown eyes...

He was such a good baby and made the transition of being a family of 5 to a family of 6 that much easier....

He grew these curls that melted your heart...yes they did...and I didn't care how many times I was asked if he was a boy or a girl...they were adorable....

He definitely has that "Little brother" personality where he copies everything his brothers do, but also is the clown between them all...he can get us all belly laughing at dinner...

He loves to run, he loves playing outside, he loves to jump on the bed and play cars.  He loves to shut the hot water heater off and write on the walls, repaint what I had already painted and he loves to splash.  He splashes while doing the dishes, taking a bath, jumping in puddles or even splashing in his pee...yes many times he comes out with very wet hands....

He loves to eat...he love pizza...he loves to give hugs and try and mimic daddy when kissing mommy ;) he's "romantic".  He loves to sing in the car and scream.  He is so full of life and personality we just can't get enough of him...he has this way about him that makes everyone smile.  He can be so serious and yet so funny.  He sometimes thinks he truly transforms into the Hulk...which reminds me...he loves the Hulk, he loves spiderman, superman, batman, avengers...anything superhero...which reminds me he loves his dad...he loves to hunt, fish, mow the lawn and be just like daddy...

because he is sooooo full of life and spunk....I just love watching him sleep....

Happy Birthay Benny-Boy.  You were a surprise to us but it's only evident that you were totally planned by God.  You bring light to our dark days and laughter when it's dull.  We love you buddy!!!! May God bless you with many many many more years.....

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.....Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because having stood the test that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him"

James 1:1-4, 12

trial:    a test of the performance, qualities, or suitability of someone or something.

test:   take measures to check the quality, performance, or reliability of (something), especially before putting it into widespread use or practice.

reveal the strengths or capabilities of (someone or something) by putting them under strain. 

Persevere:  steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success  

Because we have two ways to respond to these trials....tests....with hands open in thanks to God or hands clenched tight, shaking and asking "why me?".  I feel too often we do the latter...because it's easier.  It's easier to get angry or filled with anxiety.  It's easier to talk in sin rather than in holiness.  It's easier to complain and wallow in our discontentment than it is to give thanks.  I feel there is another characteristic that is revealed through us choosing to handle trials and tests with our hands clenched tight....a lack of trust. 

there's more.... "Every good and perfect gift is from above coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, WHO DOES NOT CHANGE."

James 1:17

So the God that is the father of Abraham is still the same God today.  He never changes.  Why can we not trust that? Why can we not trust him? We cannot fill with joy until we learn how to trust...

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow."

Romans 15:13

The full life, the one spilling joy and peace, happens only as I come to trust God...the God who never burdens His children with shame or self condemnation but keeps stroking the fears with gentle grace.  

It's not easy...it's easier to let the mind run wild with the worry, stress and anxiety than to exercise discipline.  But isn't discipline similar to perseverance?  Are stress and worry evidences of a soul too lazy, too undisciplined, to keep gaze fixed on God?  To stay in love? James tells us to persevere....steadfastness in doing something difficult...so this Christian walk, walk of faith, these trials and tests I am facing, these moments flooding with worry, anxiety, stress...they will not be easy but they are for my good.  Why do we as settled comfortable Americans try and do everything to stay away from tests and trials? If we changed our perspective on trials would our attitudes change as well? 

What we need to start with is an unshakable faith...unmovable trust in our God.

"Jesus replied, 'This is the work (service) that God asks of you: that you believe in the One Whom He has sent (that you cleave to, trust, rely on, and have faith in His Messenger)' "  John 6:29...that's it? That is my daily work? To believe....to trust. 

then we need to move on to tough prayers...because these tests and trials are ordained by God.  They are there to build us up, prepare for His purpose for us and to mature us in our Faith.  He is using these to bring out our trust in Him...to see if we are ready for something bigger...to fulfill His purpose for us...

Pray that God pours you out empty...that there is nothing left in you so that you are right down on your knees...trusting in His next move...

pray that you are empty so you can be filled....broken so you can be healed...

so that God is our one desire...that we depend on Him fully....until He is our one true love, our breath...then consider it joy when you face trials of many kind....

"I know my supreme need is joy in God and I know I can't experience deep joy in God until I deep trust in Go.  He gave us Jesus! Jesus! Gave Him up for us all. If Go didn't withhold from us His very own Son, will God withhold anything we need?"

The answer is adoration in Christ....to every trial, to every stress, to every anxiety, to every worry...adore Him!

I feel like there is an indescribable "awe" when it comes to relationships with our fathers.  Do you think God had a little intention in that? Everyone longs deep in their heart for a good relationship with their dad.  Every girl longs for that protection of her "king" and every son longs for that relationship that gives the father's blessing...acceptance.  Maybe not every single person but I'm sure if you search deep down in your heart...there is an aching.  Yeah...I think God had some intention in that.  

I honestly don't remember my relationship with my dad as a young child.  Did you know there is such a thing as PTS for divorced children? I am pretty sure I have it.  I don't remember much before my parents very nasty divorce...but I remember all too much after it.  But I do remember having the longing and ache in my heart to have my dad view me as "his little princess". And I know my brother who is now 25 longed for that acceptance from our father...that blessing.  It was just truth. 

I hear it all too often from my childhood and now as well... "My husband comes home and just wants to relax" .... "He comes home and does what he wants to do and just expects me to do everything"..."He just wants me to not be tired when we go to bed...but I'm exhausted"..."I feel like I'm pregnant alone"....

Hearing these things has brought to my attention two things.  The first thing is that I am incredibly blessed to have the husband I do.  He is a rare gem.  The second thing is this...there is a crisis in our society with dads.  

When you become a Christian you are making a choice to die to yourself.  But for some reason I feel like that piece of truth gets lost in all of the verses about the man being head of the household...dominant ... the KING!  So here is my two cents on what I think we need in dads today...

We don't need a boss....we need a friendship.  We need you to make us a priority...we need you to value reading to your kids, teaching them everything you know, riding bikes with them and wrestling until you can't wrestle anymore....

We need to know we are not in this alone...when we throwing up all night we need to know that you would rather take it away from us if you could...we need you to try and understand what being home with our kids all day is like...that we never leave our "work" even if we as moms leave the house to "work"...

We need you to be the man of the house.  we need you to lead us because yes as moms we try very hard to train our child in the way they should go but God gave us this instruction and there is value in it...that the man should spiritually lead his family...

We don't want you to muster up your best piece of advice...we want you to pray with us.  

We want you to desire the thickening stomach from growing little miracles inside...

We don't want you to look like the world...

We want your patience (I just learned this one)... patience isn't settling your frustration or anger...patience is long-suffering.  We want you to be in this with us....not apart from us.  We want you to go to the zoo with us or the farmers market or the store...

we want a family...with a very present Dad.  

We want you to model our Father in Heaven...because our Father in Heaven see us as His children and he loves us and to love is to suffer...and he will suffer for us and he will suffer with us...and he carries us until we suffer no more...

This man I do life with....he is an incredible dad.  He doesn't go fishing by himself...he takes his kids with them.  He doesn't come home and expect me to do dinner and clean while he cleans the garage out...he takes the kids and teaches them how to clean the garage (power washing is fun).  He walks in the door and the first thing he does is kiss his bride (and yes he still calls me that to this day).  HE rolls up his sleeves and he suffers long until each last child is sleeping.  He tucks them in at night and reads.  He instructs them, he prays with them and teaches them how to pray.  He disciplines them in love and suffers with them while he disciplines.  He never complains if the laundry isn't put away and he can't find a work shirt in the early hours.  He loves and he really truly does love people.  A man like him is rare.  They are there and I am thankful I see them more and more...but to me this is a true man.  Not someone who can make it up test hill, or drink 7 beers in one hour and hold his own, who can pick up a girl at the drop of a hat or who can catch the biggest fish or survive in the wilderness...

all photos taken by Amy Oonk at Everyday Joy Photography 

you can find her links at the bottom of this post

To my boys....I pray that you continue to look to your Heavenly Father for your guidance in life...and I am thankful that your dad here...does the same thing.  I could consider this one of the BIGGEST blessings in my life...a Godly man to father our boys...

Happy Father's Day Brian...you have exceeded every expectation I could ever dream of as a father to our boys...

Everyday Joy Photography

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