Isn't it amazing to watch and listen to God speak to you? 

Have you EVER experienced that? 

I think God speaks so much to us and we fail to hear it...maybe because we don't believe? Maybe because we don't think our God is big enough for our seemingly big problems but what are really trivial.  Maybe we don't have faith enough to believe God is All-powerful!

Insecure! That is what I struggle with.  I am insecure in my body...insecure in my looks...insecure in my position as a daughter, a friend, a sister, a wife and definitely a mother.  

Failure! That is what I constantly think of myself.  Failing all day...everyday.  The minute I utter a word that comes out with even slightly one pitch higher (let alone 5) than the first word I cringe and honestly I think, "why would God want a woman like me to serve him"? Impatient, selfish, controlling, emotional, lazy (at times very lazy)...when I should be throwing my hands up in praise and begging for forgiveness I am throwing my hands up with the towel being thrown in...giving up.  

But as Satan weaves his shallow...shallow lies (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otR7gY1CWNk)

GOD SPEAKS TO ME IN LOVE...

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10151528644170834&set=vb.589870833&type=2&theater

this...is the truth! 

Is it Worth it?

       Yesterday was Church.  I just honestly love the Church I attend.  I love the people, I love my friends and I love hearing the Pastors...truly God fearing, Christ loving Pastors preach the Word of God.  I love getting my four little men dressed up in their Sunday best and watching them file in behind me and sit quietly in the seats as we worship as a community of believers.  I love knowing they are learning how to worship and love knowing they are having seeds planted as they listen quietly to the sermon being preached.
Did I fool you? :)

        Yesterday during worship I had one kid slouching in his chair pushing on the seat in front of him, the other one crawling underneath the chairs and another one jumping on the chairs.  They were being kind of quiet but totally distracting.  There was the crinkling of the skittles bag that they got from Grandpa and Grandma, the giggling and weird noises they make.  I spend my time picking the baby up, setting him back down, picking him up, being a ref between two of them, sitting down myself to try and contain them a little.  Then half way through #3 sneezes and a huge glob of mucus hangs from his nose to the bottom of his chin and OF COURSE I don't have kleenex.  The man behind me (I won't mention his name publicly) was laughing hysterically and totally distracted.  Being a mom of four young boys is not easy.  I homeschool and am a photographer as well.  My life is crazy busy and crazy distracting itself.  My alone time with God has diminished to almost nothing except what I get on Sunday's.  I walk out of church either during worship, during the sermon or very rarely after the sermon and the first question in my head is, "Is this worth it?"...should I just stay home and do church with them over the podcast that our church offers? "How does that mom over there have her kids sitting so perfectly and without making noise?", "Is there something wrong with my kids?".  I often cry on Sundays because I am so imperfect with raising my kids and I get so frustrated that I can't just sit and worship in silence or without distraction.

         It is worth it! I am raising a generation of men and this is real life.  As I sit while singing, wrestling with snacks, blankies and sippy cups, coloring crayons and books...it is worth it! They are sitting and learning what it means to be with a body of believers.  They can sit there and watch (maybe not for long) someone else raise their hands to the Lord.  It matters because as I look around the church and see an entire generation of kids missing (that young 20's group) it gives me hope that this generation of young men in my life might still be there in 10 + years.  I will never forget that Sunday when I was standing in worship singing Behold our God by Sovereign Grace.  My husband was holding our third son on his hip when all of the sudden he mumbled out some praises and lifted his hands to our God!  It is worth it! If ever I am in doubt of that question I pray that I come back to the Cross and my purpose here.  Because as insignificant as it might sound to others...NO ONE else can do this job...this honor...this responsibility better than I.  God has given it to me...not to the woman with her kids perfectly sitting and listening, not to the other mom who thinks she might be able to do it better..He has given this to me.  And for you? No one else can do it better than you! Moms it is worth it!

Are your roots in the river?

Yesterday I was extremely blessed!  I have felt incredibly blessed this year with the opportunity to go to the Worship God Conference which I already wrote about.  Yesterday I was able to attend an all day Women's Conference and it was exactly what I needed...refreshing!

Jill Briscoe spoke and I'm sure everyone walked away with something a little bit different.  When she walked on stage I have to admit I judged the book by it's cover.  I really didn't think I would laugh that much.  How pathetic Stacie.  This 78 year old woman got up with more energy than I have and she made the whole room burst into laughter and into tears.  She was an incredibly gifted speaker and she is living an incredibly gifted life for Christ.  

She spoke of stories that are foreign to us here in the North American Church.  She has been to countries where being a Christian is punishable by death.  She has been in small rooms meeting secretly to encourage other women of faith...our sisters in Christ to press on!  She has evangelized on the streets, traveled to Cambodia to witness the killing field yet also witnessed a young girl whose whole family was buried at the killing field give an incredible testimony and share her "theology on suffering".  

I think that was one of the many things that really stuck with me.   What is a theology of suffering?  This Cambodian girl who was thrown into the killing with her family, just for being an educated family, survived.  They gathered her mom, dad and sibling and her at night and took them there.  Thinking they killed them all they were to come back in the morning to finish anyone off...she survived.  She explained how in America when we suffer we pray to God to take it away.  We expect to remain healthy and to remain without struggles.  This girl said when we suffer we pray that God will strengthen our backs to bare more for his name.  What an incredible strength.  What an incredible faith.  We are truly blind here.  

Jill centered her conference around Jeremiah and the many many things he suffered through.  Her main point was having our roots in the river.  This river? Jesus Christ!  If we have our roots deep in the river we have fruit, we have green leaves and we have life!  If we don't have our roots in the river we are like tumbleweed.  Wander aimlessly, searching for a place to put our roots.  

Another point that stuck with me hugely is that at end of our life no one else is responsible for our spiritual state but ourselves.  I know there are those out there who have been burned by the church.  I know there are those who have been rejected...hurt...outcast.  Whose family has abandoned them, whose husband has physically, emotionally or verbally beaten then, whose spouse stopped loving them, whose children have turned their backs on them.  But we have to stop putting that blame on everyone else.  We have to stop making excuses for not "sitting on the steps of our souls" and having a personal close relationship with Jesus Christ.  We all have an eternity...heaven or hell...and it is up to us which one we choose.  Even I have to stop making excuses.  I have a husband who didn't grow up with a spiritual leader...so naturally he struggles with leading our family (to my expectations).  How dumb of me to expect so highly of him...he is a leader for our family because everyday he demonstrates love towards me, he demonstrates patience towards our kids, he loves his neighbors more than himself and he sure does love God.  So what if he doesn't do what I think a spiritual leader should do...I'm responsible for me and we together are responsible for these kids we are blessed to raise together! 

I am so incredibly grateful for a God of many chances.  Because I have had my roots planted deep into the river and i have had them barely hanging on.  How amazing is it that we have a God that will always bring us back.  He may let us wander aimlessly but he never fails to bring us back!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mU2FLhNGpjI

We are not what we should be

We haven't sought what we should seek

We've seen your glory Lord but looked away

Our hearts are bent our eyes dim

Our finest works are stained with sin

And emptiness has shadowed all our ways

Jesus Christ shine into our night!

Drive our dark away, until your glory fills our eyes

Jesus Christ shine into our night!

Bind us to your cross, where we find life!

STill we often go astray!

We chase the world forget your grace

But you have never failed to bring us back!

Reveal the depths of what you've done

The death you died, the victory won

You've made a way for us to know your love!

Jesus Christ shine into our night!

Drive our dark away, until your glory fills our eyes

Jesus Christ, shine into our night

Bind us to your cross, where we find life!

Here is my challenge for you today...praying through scripture.  Have you ever done it? No? Don't know how? It's okay...I didn't either.  I attended this Worship God Conference.  A long weekend Conference dedicated to giving God more and more glory.  Dedicated to praising his name and standing in awe of him...something us North American Christians struggle with sometimes.

To prepare myself I like to read something from the Gospel.  Not always a familiar story but most times a familiar story.  I like to read it like I've never read it before.  I am determined to not let familiarity paralyze me.  This morning I read this from the Gospel, Matthew 27 starting in verse 45.

"Now from the sixth hour there was darkness over all the land until the ninth hour.  And about the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, 'Eli, Eli, lema sbachthani?' this is, 'My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?'  And some of the bystanders, hearing it, said, 'This man is calling Elijah'.  And one of them at once ran and took a sponge, filled it with sour wine, and put it on a reed and gave it to him to drink.  But the others said, 'Wait, let us see whether Elijah will come to save him.'  And Jesus cried out again with a loud voice and yielded up his spirit.  

And behold, the curtain of the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom.  And the earth shook, and the rocks were split.  The tombs also were opened.  And many bodies of the saints who had fallen asleep were raised, and coming out of the tombs after his resurrection they went into the holy city and appeared to many.  When the centurion and those who were with him, keeping watch over Jesus, saw the earthquake and what took place, they were filled with awe and said, 'Truly this was the Son of God!'"

um....are you in awe? Why the bolded part? I love that part because it's a picture of what will happen when we are raised with Christ! It's beautiful!  We serve an incredibly amazing God!

So what next? Pick a Psalm.  This morning for me it was Psalm 146.  Why pray through scripture? Well, often we lack the desire to pray.  Often we lack the knowledge of what to pray about.  Often we fear we are not praying right or selflessly enough.  Praying through Scripture gives you guidance and allows you to incorporate the Living Word of God in your time of praising and honoring Him.

Here is an example of what it looks like:

"Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord, O my soul!  I will praise the Lord as long as I live; I will sing praises to my God while I have my being."

Father God! Oh Holy One! Almighty God! Beloved! Creator! Yahweh! Help me to praise you in the morning and in the evening.  Help me to seek you everyday of my life and praise you with my thoughts and with my words.  Let the meditation of my heart and the words of my mouth be pleasing to you O Lord my God!  

"Put not your trust in princes, in a son of man, in whom there is no salvation.  When his breath departs, he returns to the earth; on that very day his plans perish."

Father help me to seek you and trust you only.  Help me to turn to you first NOT man when I experience hardship or trials.  Because there is salvation in your son Jesus Christ!

"Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord his God, who made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them,"

Thank you Lord, for choosing me.  I don't know why you did and I know I lack gratefulness for it but Thank you!  I am so undeserving of your love and your grace, yet you selflessly give.  Thank you Lord that my hope is in you!

"who keeps faith forever; who executes justice for the oppressed, who gives food to the hungry."

Thank you Lord for your faithfulness.  I praise you for saving the oppressed.  Although they may suffer on earth here for you...I thank you that they have their eyes fixed on their eternal value.  I thank you that you will bring justice to those who persecute those who are yours.  I pray Lord for my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ who are being killed for your name sake.  I pray for my brothers and sisters in Christ who are being mocked and scoffed at because they love you.  I pray for your strength Lord and their perseverance to keep going.  Earthly treasures and earthly pleasures all are passing...but in God are awesome splendor, love and everlasting Joy!

"The Lord sets the prisoners free; the Lord opens the eyes of the blind.  The Lord lifts up those who are bowed down; The Lord loves the righteous."

your turn to practice...what does the Lord bring to your heart to pray right now? ...

Why do I challenge you? Because there are always ways to learn how to glorify our God more.  One way is to sing through prayer His Living Word back to him!

Homeschooling week 1

"While Satan weaves his shallow lies...God speaks to me in love"

~Sovereign Grace Music~

      Satan weaves his shallow lies everyday in my life.  Everyday I have to overcome lies with the Living Word of God.  Am I consistent? No.  Do I let the lies of Satan sometimes settle...make a little home in my life for the day? yes.  But I am, oh.so.grateful. for the Holy Spirit inside of me to patiently bring me back to the one who bought me with his blood...Jesus Christ.  Grateful for that reminder that I am loved.  

     This week has been a week of battles.  If you're wondering YES I AM STILL HOMESCHOOLING!  I really do think people thought I was just going to entertain the thought...I was just going to casually try it out and see what I thought.  I'm sure some people thought I would give up in the first few days and send them right back to school.  I have had question after question and attack after attack on my decision and ability to home-school.  Just keeping repeating, "God speaks to me in love".

     Day 1:  Woke up early! Put in some fresh blueberry french toast casserole, made coffee and warmed up the fresh blueberry syrup.  Made hot chocolate for the kids, got their books out and lit a candle!  They were excited to start and so was I.  I was also very nervous.  I think if you asked me at the end of the first day my honest response would have been, "I'm not cut out for this.  I am going to fail them.  They couldn't have possibly learned a thing".  Zakary broke down because he couldn't write his "z" exactly like I did it.   Matthew was actually kind of impressive, tracing his name almost perfectly the first time around.  William had a bad mood after a 1/2 hour of work.  The first day I decided they were going to need lots of breaks and not all of them were going to be able to sit down and do exactly what I tell them. 

     Day 2:  William and I had dentists appointments in the morning so our morning was not for school work.  We came home and dove in.  Again...another bad day.  One with crying, a lot of "i don't want to's" and bad attitudes.  We did not finish everything that day.  I was frustrated.  Actually I was down, sad, frustrated and critical of my own ability to do this.  I prayed and Brian prayed with me and I did feel a peace about things.  I determined to do things differently.  I went for a run that night and thought about a lot of things.  I had a talk with Will and Zak about the importance of education and why we have decided to keep them home for now.  I talked to them about their attitudes and how from now on if any of us have bad attitudes we were going to drop what we are doing and pray to Jesus about our attitude.  We had fun that night...casually reading as a family and discussing what we learned. 

     Day 3: Today!  We all slept in a little (amazing).  By sleeping in I mean 7:30am :).  We woke up and I made coffee, peeled some apples and started making applesauce.  Together we made two different kinds..chunky and smooth and both with different spices and ingredients.  It was 9 a.m. before we sat down at the table to start.  We started off with a prayer and a bible story for the day...while reviewing our bible stories from earlier this week.  We then read three books together, talked about the days of the week, sang a few songs and dove into our work.  we did lots of craft stuff today and it was an amazing day!  we had two times where we had to stop what we were doing and pray for our attitudes and it was such a blessing. 

My house is not perfect! My house is actually a mess (if you know how clean I like my house to be).  My laundry has been done and folded but not put away.  I have only edited three pictures all week but I have talked with my kids more this week than in the last 6 months I think.  It is all so worth it!

While everyone else was posting such cute pictures of their kids first day back to school...we decided to be comical :D and we had fun doing it!

"help"

 "I'm doomed" - he obviously thought it was hilarious :D

I know Matthew is a part of this but he wanted nothing to do with pictures :D.

Here's to a year of schooling Pre-school, Kindergarten and 1st grade!

Fall...the most wonderful time of the year

I just love fall...I love everything about it and although it's probably not fully here yet (meaning we will have a few more super hot, unbearable days), it sure felt like it yesterday on the 2nd day of September and I could do nothing but celebrate it!

I love apples, apple cider, spiced apple cider, apple picking, apple pie, apple crisp, apple dumplings.  I love pumpkin, pumpkin pie, pumpkin spice latte's, pumpkin creamer, pumpkin soup, pumpkin dip and pumpkin butter.  Pumpkin spice donuts, big family dinners, gatherings, flannel, pears, acorns, leaves and piles of leaves.  I love hunting season, football and the coming of Thanksgiving as well as the anticipation of snow!
I know I'm crazy!

Here is how we celebrated fall yesterday! Although I still have lots of peaches to can still today (such a summer thing...geesh), I whipped up some blueberry syrup and blackberry syrup, butternut squash soup and an apple peach crisp.  This morning we had blueberry french toast casserole and it was OH.so.yummy!!!!

Here they are and their recipes!

I was geeked about this soup!  I think in my head I wouldn't like it so when I tasted it and couldn't get enough of it....I was squealing and smiling HUGE...asking my husband if he liked it as much as I did!
1 medium butternut squash
3 c. chicken broth
3 T. butter
3 T. flour
2 1/2 c. milk
Dash of nutmeg
Salt and pepper to taste

Cut your squash in 1/2 and scrape out seeds and pulp.  Roast in the oven at 350 degrees for about an hour or until you can easily put a fork in it.  Take out and allow it to cool.  Once cool, take the skin off it and cut it into chunks.  Put your squash chunks in a blender with 3 c. chicken broth and blend until smooth.  Meanwhile in a soup pan melt butter.  Add flour and blend together with butter until it clumps together.  Slowly add your milk and whisk until is starts to thicken.  Add your squash mixture and heat up and whisk occasionally until thick.

We served with croutons and cheese but you can use saltine crackers or eat plain! So yummy!

This was also so very yummy! At the end of the day I was requesting a reward be made in honor of me today!
Peach Apple Crisp

3 apples skinned, cored and sliced
3 peaches skinned, pitted and sliced
1 c. brown sugar
1 c. flour
1 c. oatmeal
1 stick of butter
choice of nuts (optional)

Spray a 8x8 pan and place mixed apple and peach mixture in the pan.  Sprinkle with sugar and cinnamon.
Melt 1 stick of butter in a pan.  Meanwhile mix oatmeal, flour, brown sugar and nuts in a bowl.  Pour melted butter over and mix until it comes to a crumble like consistency.  Place over peach/apple mixture.  Bake for 30-35 minutes at 350 degrees!

We woke up this treat! Blueberry French Toast Casserole with homemade blueberry syrup!

For the casserole:
6 eggs
1 1/2 c. milk
1/2 c. flour
1 Tb. sugar
1 ts. ground cinnamon
1/2 ts. vanilla extract
1/2 ts. nutmeg
1/4 ts. salt
10 thick slices of french bread cut into cubes
1 c. blueberries (or however many you want in your casserole)
1 (3oz) package of cream cheese

Beat eggs, milk, flour, sugar, cinnamon, vanilla, nutmeg and salt together in a large bowl with a hand mixer.
Add your bread cubes and stir until well coated.  Pour mixture into a sprayed 9x13 pan.  Top with blueberries and cubed cream cheese.  Cover dish and refrigerate for 2-24 hours. Bake at 400 degrees for 30-35 minutes.

For the delicious syrup:
2 c. blueberries
1 C. sugar
1 tsp. vanilla
1/4 c. water

Combine in a saucepan and heat until syrup consistency!

We use this and a little bit of maple syrup on the casserole and it is AMAZING!!!!!

That's all for now! Later I will be blogging about our first day homeschooling with pictures!