Friendships are hard...they are sticky...messy but beautiful. 

Here's the thing.  These women are brave.  For showing up to an event and being a part of it when the entire topic revolves around friendship. 

As women we walk through life with measuring sticks.  We feel we aren't good enough to be friends with "this person", we feel unworthy to be invited in.  We feel like a loser.  We compare and measure and that leads to anxiety...little horrible voices in our heads telling us cruel lies about the person God created and those lies can ultimately lead to judgment which then leads to division.  

In putting together songs for this event I wanted to badly focus the last set of songs on the sole fact that our first friend is Jesus. Even in preparing the songs I had many voices in my head.  I had "expectations" to meet among the women coming to the vent.  P.S. I take Pastor Jared's job for granted WAY.TOO.MUCH! 

There was a friend at my table.  She was shouting "AMEN" and jumping in her seat...I thought I was going to have to escort her out but she got it under control ;) ha! But she was saying those things and getting her feathers all ruffled up over comments about having little expectations in our friendships.  

Here's the truth ladies.  No one can make you as unsure about yourself as yourself.  It's true.  We have expectations...they have expectations.  But what if we took one more brave step further and dropped all expectations.  What if we allowed ONLY Jesus to fulfill all of those expectations we are unfairly placing on our earthly friends? What if we look at our sister in Christ and ask only ONE thing of her...DO YOU LOVE JESUS? 

We will fail each other.  We will hurt each other.  We will leave each other a little empty.  But Jesus will never fail you.  Jesus will comfort you and bring you peace.  Jesus will fill you.  

What if we decide to drop all expectations of each other.  What if we made a choice to look at our friends and sisters in Christ as just that...a daughter of the ONE.TRUE.KING...truly loved by God...we would change the definition of friendship as we now know it.  Because a friendship that isn't centered on Christ...isn't going to work.  But when it's solely and completely focused on the ONE WHO DESIGNED US FOR FRIENDSHIP...we are fulfilled in amazing and indescribable ways and those girl friends...fantastic extra blessings! 

We are designed for friendship.  That doesn't mean you are friends with EVERY ONE...but that does mean community and unity among women in the church and by unity I do not mean sameness but oneness in purpose and what is that purpose? To LOVE each other and glorify God in ALL WE DO! 

Year 30 is behind me...

I made a bucket list for year 31 and although year 30 didn't have a bucket list I predict this year will be just the same as last....and I'm okay with that.

Last year was filled with laughter, tears, joy and pain.  But isn't every year? It's true for some that God gives you a period of rest.  He does for me.  But God also keeps me on my toes by giving me many periods of conflict.  My mistake in the past is identifying these times in my life as the dreaded "D" word ... DRAMA.  Yes...everyone has drama in our lives but in my life I will choose to not see it as drama...but as a time of God teaching me that he is DRAMAtically good! 

I was driving to meet an old friend last night and I was praying over a current situation in my life.  It was through my prayer of complaining that God whispered low, "these are in your life because you won't come to me on your own."

Stop me dead in my tracks.  My hands gripped the steering wheel and I wept.  I am arrogant and selfish and a sinner.  I truly believe that I can handle life on my own...except when I have conflict.  So yes, it makes sense that God keeps it in my life...so that I stay glued to Him.  But as much as I hate it...every time, in His faithfulness, He patiently shows me how dramatically good He is.  

If I kept a bowl of Ebeneezer stones it would be overflowing with the times in my life God has redeemed a situation.  Even if He says no, HE is still dramatically good. 

Last year we had adventure.  I took the time to see my kids explore, to watch them wonder and to see them discover God's beauty.  We went on trips, spent time with great friends, explored the zoo.  Had time with our grandmas and grandpas, great grandmas, aunties and uncles.  We rode the scary, emotional roller coaster of selling our first home and moving into a smaller, more humble, fixer upper.  We decided we were going to renovate a home and little did I know God was going to renovate our lives.  I have spent this year learning just how much of a spoiled rotten brat I am...and I'm okay with that....because God didn't leave me there.  He is gutting me out and rebuilding walls.  He is continually making me new and as much as I may dislike the process...I am overwhelmed at it.  Because the reality is, if He is willing to take time to teach me something then His love is really true.  If I can feel him SOMETIMES then I can take the indescribable freedom in knowing HE IS IN ME.  Although I don't feel Him every step of every day and in every single situation, the fact that He is working out the sin in me is proof that HE IS WITH ME.  

My 30th birthday was celebrated with great friends last year.  That lady right there on the end with the grey painting...that says "Be Still"...yeah she has been incredible.  She made me do my first doughnut in her car on my 30th (started that out right), but more than that she has come along my side and been an incredible friend.  I cannot even describe what a blessing she has been! 

This woman in the center with the black shirt and amazing curls...Bible description of a woman investing into young moms lives.  My eyes well up thinking about her heart and what she's given of herself.  If you've been blessed to meet her...you know exactly what I'm talking about and I could bet your eyes may be welling up too (unless I'm a 31 year old emotional mess).  Each one of these girls has been....well, there are no words.  A true GIFT from God.  A few years ago I cried to Brian, at least weekly.  I cried that I didn't feel like I had any true friends.  Girl friends where I could share my faith with and just do life with.  I prayed and prayed for one...God delivered way beyond my prayers.

Talking about friends.....

yes......I am blessed.

My grandma got diagnosed with Dementia this year.  I am cherishing any time I get with her...while she still remembers me.

We spent many summer days up north with this grandma Great ginger.  The boys were so excited to go and see her!

I witnessed two my neices giving their lives over to God.  I cannot describe the joy welling up inside me at this thought!

I spent time growing in His Word, through books and memorizing Psalm 103.

I got to witness my brother propose.  I get the joy of adding this little girl to the list of neices and the joy of adding my first nephew this coming May.  And this man right here? yeah he would have his name on an Ebeneezer stone as well.  Praise God for that restored relationship!

Then there is this man....

through every growing pain, grabs my hands and prays with me and praises God with me. 

At the start of this year I prayed that God would make me a more compassionate friend.  To my husband, to my family and to my friends.  He has thrown me on my face and opened my eyes a few times already and it's only February.  But I am OKAY with that.  If have another year like my 30th? I am OKAY with that.  Because the truth is..if God is working things out in me...then it's true...HE IS FOR ME.  And if HE IS WITH ME, IN ME and FOR ME...then He is so overwhelmingly dramatically good.  

Raising my coffee mug to another year of growing in God!